Longings and Self-deception

Thoughts from a frequently single guy.

In the shower this morning I recalled romantic break-ups from years past. Several produced irrationality on my part, others more mutual. Passionate reactions make sense when true connections are torn. Loss of love unbalances even the most stable of us.

Why, then, does the end of an unhealthy relationship diminish reasonableness too?

• Do we mistake love for activities that lovers do?
• Does a longing attach itself to an object regardless of the suitability? Do we give up measuring suitability too early?
• When does the self-deception begin? Does it ever cease? What are the dynamics of this battle?
• In the end, can another person ever satisfy our longings?

I fear that my few forays into love confused and stifled my longings. When the object of my loving departed, my longings increased to dangerous levels. I dampened them to deal with the pain. How to re-awaken them without inappropriately bonding?

My tentative solution is to give up on advice columnists and dating rituals and stop imagining what works and what doesn’t in the couples I know. I am moved to learn more about romance in religious traditions, particularly Christianity and Judaism. Perhaps I’ll also explore poetry before EE Cummings. I’ll report on my findings.

Top image depicts IONIC and this one COVALENT bonding. Does love follow the laws of nature?